Averland Adventures: The Blue Reach Delta

Disturbing Behaviours

To: Berholt Eisenhauser, Captain, Imperial Roadwardens
From: Axel Phineous Tallfoot, General-ly awesome halfling
Re: The Rookery

Sir,

How’s my favorite Roadwarden? Still awesome? It’s been awhile since I last wrote, mainly because Pieter has mastered how to do it for himself. This is Axel by the way. Hope you haven’t stumbled into anymore ambushes since we last met. I read Pieter’s last report, and although very thorough, I felt it was missing an ending. Now I hate unfinished stories so I thought I’d fill you in on the events at the Rookery since Pieter and the others are currently busy being tended by the Shalyan Priestesses, leaving me alone with my thoughts…I know, I know, what were they thinking? You no doubt want to hear more about the Priestesses, but I’ll get to that later.

As I recall, Pieter mentioned our findings in the basement of the Rookery. Needless to say, it was a virtual orgy of evidence on the activities and possible members of the different cults currently active in Nuln. Judging from the footsteps above, we were about to have company, so Pieter knowing the evidence was too important to risk losing, joined Adam and I in gathering it off of the walls. While the others prepared to welcome our unwelcome guests, Pieter grabbed notes on the Crimson Circle since I’d had more than my fill of the followers of Khorne. Adam concentrated on the Skaven and Cult of Tzeentch separately, leaving me to the wall dedicated to the Cult of Ecstasy and its Slaaneshi followers, who I must add are very disturbed individuals.

The first wave of the assault was easily pinned down and annihilated by the combined efforts of Dolwen, Erik, and Eckhardt. The second group, however, demanded to be taken more seriously, advancing accompanied by two daemonettes and a large doglike creature with a barbed tongue, flailed tail, and four breasts on its back. Not really sure what purpose they served…aesthetics maybe?…like I said before, disturbed individuals. Hefting his halberd, Herod waded in and joined the fray supported by our archers. The dogbeast tweaked something I’d just read amongst the collected evidence. I think the Slaaneshi called it…what was it…a demented doggie?..nope, that’s not it…a pound hound??…still not it. I can’t quite remember at the moment , but I’m sure it’ll come to me. Regardless of its name, it decided to acquaint itself with Erik…you remember him…the moody archer with the colourful vocabulary? Advancing on him as he switched to sword and shield, its barbed tongue snaked out in search of its new plaything. Reluctantly, I turned away from the impending awesomeness and returned to the wall and the task at hand. The sounds of combat surrounded us as we ensured the evidence was safe from destruction. Erik shouted out “Get this F@#%ing thing off of me!” He must of meant the…mammary mongrel?…nope, that’s not it either.…I wonder if he meant literally? Resisting the urge to check, I completed my task just as Dolwen warned “They’ve got reinforcements!” Turning to aide our comrades, my blood froze momentarily at the scene before me. Judging from the smell, so did Adams. Erik was almost indistinguishable as the…PLEASURE PUPPY!!…I new I’d remember…as the pleasure puppy’s barbed tongue wrapped several times around the struggling Erik, dragging him towards it, in what I assume was an attempt to rob him of his virginity. Pieter, keeping his cool, drew his pistols and fired managing to hit what little of Erik was still visible. Given the size of the target, it was a rather impressive shot…I probably shouldn’t have told you that…I won’t tell Pieter if you don’t. Fortunately, Erik’s following commentary was muffled through gritted teeth as the beast’s tongue seemed to be trying to force its way down his throat. A yellowish ray struck Eckhardt from nearby, identifying the presence of the enemy mage. Snapping out of my momentary shock, I quickly loaded and fired on the puppy who seemed determined to have his way with Erik. Herod faced the remaining daemonette, stepping over the twitching form of her sister, while Pieter found himself facing off against a rather large and well armoured cultist. Erik, unfortunately, was still unsuccessfully attempting to break free. Grabbing my sword, I charged the dogbeast to help my trapped ally. Narrowly dodging another twelve foot tongue as it flew from the enemy sorcerer seeking Eckhardt, I swung at the hounds flank. Erik used the momentary distraction to again try and struggle free, but ended up presenting himself instead, which I thought was an unfortunate choice. Erik had apparently come to the same conclusion and once again yelled “Get this F@#%ING THING OFFA ME!!!” Okay, this time he meant literally. Slashing the beasts tongue, it finally relaxed it’s grip on Erik enough to allow him to break free. Getting to his feet, Erik prepared to enact bloody vengeance on the pleasure puppy. Glancing to my comrades, Pieter was having the most difficulty with his oversized opponent and clearly needed help before the cultist gained the upper hand. Leaving Erik alone with his special friend, I moved to lend Pieter a hand. If nothing else, perhaps I can annoy his opponent enough to draw some of the attacks my way. En route, I saw Dolwen moving to help Eckhardt who was wrestling with his own twelve foot appendage which had wrapped itself around his neck and head. Bleeding from several wounds and bravely holding his ground, Pieter deflected several incoming blows as I arrived to help. Bouncing a couple of ineffective blows off of his armour, the cultist glared at me, snorting in disdain which I thought was extremely rude. While circling our opponent, I could see Herod slay the remaining Daemonette and move to help Erik who had once again found himself ensnared by the pleasure puppy.

The chaos continued with neither side gaining a decisive advantage. The large cultist before me continued to act like I wasn’t even there, to the point where he didn’t even attempt to avoid my attacks. Instead he focused his attention entirely on Pieter, a decision he would soon regret. Seizing the opportunity when it presented itself, I drove my blade through a gap between the shoulder and breast plates, slashing him just shy of being fatal. Staggered by the unanticipated severity of my strike, he finally perceived me as a threat and turned on me just as Herod felled the pleasure puppy. Erik struggled to his feet and proceeded to make sure the dogbeast was dead. Herod quickly made his way towards us, probably to avoid the spray of blood and gore which was sure to follow. Defending against the blind fury of the cultists attack, I dodged and parried giving both Pieter and Herod time to manoeuvre to his flanks. He finally managed to sneak one minor hit past my defenses just before the combined attack of Herod and Pieter finished him off. The lone surviving cultist then turned to flee, getting an arrow in the back from Dolwen as a parting gift. Erik staggered over to us awkwardly, trying to simultaneously brush the blood and drool off himself with one hand while tugging his drawers out of his crack with the other. In no condition to join the others in pursuit of the last cultist, Erik stayed with Adam and I to search the attackers and surroundings for anything we may have missed before they attacked. Adam located a secret door to the sewers, although to be fair, I think the stench helped a little. Finding nothing else of value other than the presence of chalk under the finger nails of a cultist of Khorne, we awaited the return of our companions.

The others returned a short while later dumping the body of the cultist with the others before informing us that he died…….sigh, Really?…never mind. They admitted that they didn’t actually kill him…they intended to of course, but couldn’t actually take credit for it. Erik seemed disappointed. They tracked him to an alley, a feat made easier by the trail of blood from Dolwen’s parting gift. As they approached, he mumbled something and just died. With nothing else to gain by lingering here, we gathered our gear and returned to the palace to report our findings.

The Countess ordered the Rookery locked down and as I mentioned before summoned the Shalyan Priestesses to tend to the wounded. The pending plots of the Cult of Ecstasy were disrupted and the cultists who weren’t dead, fled to keep it that way. She suggested reporting the events and evidence to the watch…no thanks, tried that once before…didn’t like it. It looks like the others are almost done so I better wrap this up. The others are actually considering going to the watch despite my reservations. I think I’ll pass, the last time I went to the watch here, I ended up known as “Axel the Slayer”….long story. Maybe Pieter will tell you about it someday. Anyway, take care of yourself, and stay away from ambushes. If something permanent were to happen to his mentor, Pieter’s likely to need to shoot something and I’d prefer it wasn’t one of us by mistake…so does Erik. Please give my regards to Wilhelm if your paths cross.

May Ranald’s luck shine on you.

Axel

Comments

Brilliant! Co-opting Pieter’s letters to Bernholt is a nice twist on the usual report. Nicely done.

Disturbing Behaviours
 

That was easily the best one yet in my opinion. I had a grin on my face the whole time I was reading it.

Disturbing Behaviours
bogspider

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